Nothing says Happy Birthday like new underwear!*
*the events detailed here occured back in June, 2006

That's what you're looking at to the left here. In addition to the fancy boxers, Aurora also gave me a pair of running shorts and a running shirt. I presented myself with the Under Armour black boxer jock . We'll come back to the picture in a moment.

The running shorts, shirt and boxer jock are made of polyester now a days; moisture wicking material they call it. My memory of polyester is of my little league baseball uniform. That thing was made of polyester, and there were no moisture wicking properties to those little league uniforms. On the contrary that thing was like your wearing your own Easy Bake Oven. A few hours in the hot sun and a kid could easily bake himself a few dozen brownies.

So I put on all my new gear, feeling every bit the runner, and head out for a run with Aurora. As we jog through Prospect Park, Aurora asks me periodically what I think of my new shorts and shirt. The shorts are shorts, and I don't notice a big difference. The shirt is great because it doesn't soak up sweat like a cotton shirt.

The UnderArmour boxer jock, is a whole other story. The point of wearing this particular item is three fold: keep your upper leg muscles warm, hold your private bits in place, and prevent your thighs from chaffing. My muscles were warm, the private bits weren't moving around and my thighs didn't chafe, but I was feeling a little discomfort, chaffing if you will, in a very personal area. I believe the correct anatomical name is Perineum. As the run went on, the chaffing became almost intolerable.

I tell Aurora that the shorts and shirt she gave me for my b-day are super, but I'm gonna melt down these stupid compression shorts, cause they are causing a great deal of irritation in an uncomfortable spot.

We finish the run and are back at our apartment. I have taken off the shorts and the shirt and am only wearing my UnderArmour boxer jock. I'm about to take these off too, when Aurora comes up behind me and says, "Jim, what are you wearing?" I reply, "this stupid UnderArmour boxer jock!". She says, "What's all this stuff in the back here?" while grabbing at my posterior. "Oh my God! Are you wearing your underwear backwards?"

I looked down, at the front of my compression shorts and there was no "fly" like you'd see on traditional shorts. Take another look at that picture above and then look at these:














I stripped them off, turned them around, and sure enough, I just ran four miles with my
underwear on backwards. D'OH!!!

Disgusted with myself, I jumped in the shower to clean up. I can hear Aurora laughing even with the door close and the water running. Then I step in the shower. Have you ever had hot water hit chafed skin? Let me tell it feels like being touched with a red hot poker. YEEEOWWW!!!!

How does a relatively well educated, not crazy person do this? Well, if you look at both shorts side by side, they both have a label on the outside of the waistband. Only, the Polo boxer shorts have the label on the front and the Under Armour shorts have the label on the back.

So what's the moral of the story? Training for a marathon is not easy. It's harder when you put your clothes on backwards, so put your clothes on right way round and you'll find it's much easier to run.

The Marathon is now one week away. You can bet that I'll be wearing my shorts the right way round come marathon Sunday, but you'll just have to take my word for it.

-JP